Meet the TruthSpeakers... We are always in search of the truth as you know it.

Ernest F. Camel, III, Alexander K. Robinson, and Richard O. Rowland, Jr.

Richard O. Rowland, Jr. discusses Steve Harvey's 90 day rule.

Is it realistic to ask your man to abstain from sex for 90 days.

Alexander K. Robinson discusses the death of Black Nationalism

Black Flight vs. Black on Black Crime.

Race In America and Beyond... Not Just Another Documentary

Ernest F. Camel, III explains why the project is special.

The Facebook Memoirs... A Book for our times.

Richard O. Rowland, Jr. explains the premise of the book and his motivation for writing it.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

The Truth Behind Gaddafi

Col. Muammar Gadaffi
By Stephen Goodson
RENSE | 4-1-11


Colonel Muammar Gadaffi is frequently referred to in the media as a "mad dictator" and "bloody tyrant", but do these allegations accord with the facts?

Libya consists of over 15O tribes, with the two main groups, the Meghabra living in Tripolitania in the west and the Wafallah living in Cyrenaica in the east. Previous attempts to unite these tribes by the Turkish (1855-1911) and ltalian {1911-43) colonial rulers failed and the country was split in two for administrative purposes.

Oil was discovered in Libya in 1959, but King ldris of the Senussi tribe allowed most of the oil profits to be siphoned into the coffers of the oil companies. The coup d'etat on 1 September 1969 led by Colonel Gadaffi had countrywide support. He subsequently married a woman from the royal Barqa tribe and adroitly unified the nation.

By retaining Libya's oil wealth for the benefit of all its people, Gadaffi had created a socialist paradise. There is no unemployment, Libya has the highest GDP in .Africa, less than 5% of the population is classified as poor and it has fewer people living below the poverty datum line than for example in Holland. Life expectancy is 75 years and is the highest in Africa and I0% above the world average.

With the exception of the nomadic Bedouin and Tuareg tribes, most Libyan families possess a house and a car. There is free health care and education and not surprisingly Libya has a literacy rate of 82%. Last year Gadaffi distributed $500 to each man, woman and child (population 6.5 million).
Seif al-Islam

Libya has a tolerable human rights record and stands at 61 on the International Incarceration Index, comparable with countries in central Europe (the lower the rating, the lower the standing - the USA occupies the no.1 spot!). There is hardly any crime and only rebels and traitors are dealt with harshly.

Anyone who has read Gadaffi's little Green Book will realize that he is a thoughtful and enlightened leader. Libya has been accused of having committed numerous acts of terrorism in the past, but many of these have been perpetrated by foreign intelligence agencies as false flag operations - the Lockerbie bombing being a prime example.

The CIA and MI6 and their frontmen have been stoking up dissent in the east of the country for almost 30 years. Libya produces exceptionally high quality light crude oil and its production cost of $1 a barrel, compared to the current price of $115, is the lowest in the world.

Riba (usury) is not permitted. The Central bank of Libya is a wholly-owned by the Libyan Government and is run as a state bank, issuing all government loans free of interest. This is in contrast to the exploitative fractional reserve banking system of the West. The no-fly zone and the bombing of Libya have nothing to do with the protection of civilians. It is an act of war * a blatant and crude attempt by the oil corporations and international bankers to steal the wealth of Libya.


http://www.zenzoneforum.com/threads/18594-The-TRUTH-About-Gaddafi-s-Libya

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Hero Worship and Religiosity

By: Alexander K. Robinson

There has been much written and said about why those who are living in substandard conditions usually concentrated in the core of urban centers, about the causes and consequences of their conditions. Whether the cause is contributed to intergenerational poverty or lack of sense of community due to the lack of family structure and values, the effects are always crime, desperation, and desolation. 




Economists point to the lack of human capital as one of the reasons why these populations are unable to remove themselves from this state. I propose the idea that it is not a lack of human capital but a concern for issues that delivers an intangible gratifying experience as opposed to ideas and methods that will lead to preferable outcomes.

Education is always expected to be the savior of Black Americans, who in American have become a disenfranchised, marginal group. What is never specified is type, form, and purpose of said education. Should the goal be to prepare them for employment in the pre-dominant economy of our time, with the focus being high skilled service employment? 

While these questions need some serious thought in order to reach serious answers, inherent to any call for education is the presumption the those within the Black community lack education and the skills necessary to “pull itself up by its bootstraps”. This is untrue. There is a strong collection of knowledge in the Black community, but it has been concentrated to perverse hero worship and extreme religiosity.

The hero worship in the Black Community is idolatry. Rappers, celebrities, and athletes are the overwhelming percentage of role models for these misguided youth. Adulation of this sort is understandable because it is only these professions where individuals who share common characteristics of their followers and often share similar backgrounds are allowed highly visible levels of success.


Kobe Doin' Work


Additionally, these individuals appear to have skill sets that are easily attainable. Getting payed to play basketball is extremely attractive to those who play basketball everyday for free. Females follow reality TV stars such as those on Basketball Wives and imagine a reality where they would only have to shop and be responsible for the interior decorating of their husbands mansions. Those who aspire to be the next Heavy D, can rifle off countless verses of memorized prose.

Unwavering commitment to religion is a fact of life in many Black communities. A more serious concern is the fact that this religion was used as a justification for slavery, and in some places is taught in a similar fashion as it was over 100 years ago. Religion offers spiritual guidance and provides a moral foundation for its many followers. 


Mega Church Pastor T.D. Jakes

What religion also provides is the situation where one accepts the conditions around them and the statements of their leaders with unwavering support. This behavior of acceptance without question is transposed to other aspects of life, exampled in politics, where one party has routinely garnered support by Black Americans without any real policy to reverse the conditions of permanent poverty for a prominent portion of the population.


When the focus of Black America is redirected, from extreme hero worship and religiosity, goals that have more of a tangible, economic benefit, will be the day the this community begins to climb from their position on the social ladder as America’s permanent working class.



Thanks to Dr. James Chaffers for inspiring this post.

Cosby Show Blackface: Students on Probation

By: Jenée Desmond-Harris














Six members of a University of Southern Mississippi sorority are on probation after dressing in blackface to depict the Cosby Show cast at a 1980s-themed costume party last week, the Huffington Post reports (No word on whether they used varying shades of paint or makeup to accurately depict the multi-hued family).

 Joe Paul, the school's vice president of student affairs, says the executive officers of the sorority, Phi Mu, and the women involved met on Sunday with a group of African-American student leaders.

 Phi Mu National President Kris Bridges says the matter is being investigated and that more disciplinary action could follow. She says the local chapter will also sponsor a campus-wide program on diversity appreciation.

 Clearly, the university and sorority are taking the upset over this incident seriously, but they might be missing the point.

 If imitation is the highest form of flattery, it seems as though diversity is one thing the girls who chose these costumes as their best tribute to the 1980s do appreciate. And while we wish more college students would simply let the mantra "When in doubt, skip the blackface" guide their dress-up choices, let's be honest -- the act of emulating a much-loved middle class black family has little in common with the troubling history of blackface itself, or with costumes that have used it to poke fun at ugly and painful stereotypes.

 The Phi Mu members could certainly use a lesson about the sensitive racial territory on which their costumes treaded. But black student leaders and others involved in the response should keep in mind that the typical reaction to this type of incident (accusations and punishment, resulting in a played-out public debate about freedom of speech and who's overreacting) misses a chance for students of all races to grapple with the difficult substance of an issue whose complexity extends far beyond the confines of a college theme party.

 Read more at the Huffington Post.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Make your voice heard, ‘we are the 99%’

By Ernest F. Camel III

“We Are The 99 percent!!!” This mantra can be heard in cities across America and in various countries across the world.

September 17, 2011 began the initial protest in New York Cities Zucotti Park in the New York financial district.

I became a part of the Occupy Jackson movement in solidarity with the Occupy New York protest on Saturday, October 15, 2011.

Who are the 99 percent? According to an article on fastcompany.com, 64 percent of the protestors are younger than 34. The movement also includes Generation X’ers and Baby Boomers, with one-third of respondents older than 35 and  one-fifth 45 and older.  The 99 percent are categorized by the movement as the group of people in America who are the largest percent of the population, but have the least amount of wealth.

Occupiers across the U.S. and the globe are protesting the corporate control on government via finacial contributions to the political system, among other things.  The protest has spurred crticism, where some have said there is no cohesive message.  The protestors feel like this is a good thing because there are too many problems with our democracy regarding corporate greed than can be narrowed down into one demand.

I decided to join in the protest when my eyes were opened to the way greed has caused a number of problems in the U.S.

For those of you who don’t know why the Occupiers are mad, here are just a few facts for you.
In 2008, our government gave Wall Street a $700 billion bailout package, financed by our taxpayer dollars, but who bails us out when we can’t pay our bills or when we have gone to college and can’t find a job that pays well enough to pay back our student loans?

According to an article on thehill.com, student loan debt is at an all time high and will reach the $1 trillion mark this year  surpassing even credit card debt.  Also it has been said in an article on msnbc.com that the rising college costs, low graduation rates and poor job prospects are getting more and more students over their heads in debt as the student loan default rate has risen to 8.8 percent and climbing.

Many of the protestors have criticized banks such as the federal reserve, Bank of America and others for their lack of transparency and not being held accountable for their actions with the money they recieved on the backs of the American taxpayers.

I urge you to ask yourself, when will the Corporations, banks and Wall Street representatives who were given $700 billion dollars in an effort to kickstart our economy be held accountable for their actions?

While you are struggling to pay your student loans, credit cards, mortgages and every day neccessities they are drinking champagne and enjoying million dollar bonuses.

These are the same people who created the largest foreclosure crisis in recent history due to shady lending practices and sent our troops to war looking for fictional weapons of mass destruction; killing, according to about.com, more than 4,000 and seriously wounding more than 30,000 troops who will return from Iraq to a country that doesn’t even have a job waiting for them.

Some of my fellow protestors here in Jackson, Miss.  had this to say about their reasons for occupying Jackson.

“I like this because it is non-violent and it’s people coming out and saying we share a discontentment across the country,” said Daniel Brantly, a supporter of Occupy Jackson.

“I’m here because it seems like we are having to fight the fights that we were having in the 60’s all over again.  We should already have these things taken care of.  There’s no reason why every generation should have to fight for the right to a job, the right to medical care, or the right to an education,” said Carol Miles, a supporter of Occupy Jackson.

I urge you to look beyond your political ties and examine how our government is run and ask yourself, are those in power looking out for the best interest of the 99 percent of Americans or the one percent of the population who control 97 percent of the nations wealth?

With elections coming up in November, I feel you should take an active role in your local elections.  Don’t vote based on party but for the candidate that will help the 99 percent.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

L.A. & Dee discuss their book 'Real Talk'

L.A. & Dee
 
Tell us about your book Real Talk?
Real Talk is a compilation of conversations from Black men about their perspectives of Black women. We made a conscious decision to begin our series of Real Talk books within the Black community because we felt there was great strain in how Black men and women view one another. We wanted this book to be positive, yet still cover controversial topics. So you'll have sections within the book that'll make you laugh and others that'll definitely trigger some deep thought. This book is not an attempt to prove who's right or wrong, it's simply an attempt to spark conversation without bashing one another. We interviewed 8 Black men from diverse backgrounds (i.e. cities, ages, religious backgrounds, family structures). The interviews were held in a location of our participants’ choice. After we conducted the face to face interviews, we transcribed each interview verbatim. We wanted to keep the voices of the men as honest and as real as possible.
 
Who is the audience for the book and how will they benefit from reading?
The book is intended for both male and female readers. It's great for women because it provides answers and a sense of understanding to some of those questions that we over-analyze in our own minds. It's basically like having Barbershop talk--in a book.  On the other hand, it's just as great for men because it gives them an opportunity to relate and gain insight from other men. We wanted to reach out to all adult readers. It doesn’t matter what racial/ethnic background, age, or gender you are, because there is something for everyone in this book. We wanted to discuss topics that are sometimes uncomfortable for people to share with one another. Real Talk gives our readers the opportunity to hear the voices of some very opinionated men.

What is your opinion of the availability of the African American Male perspective?
There's not enough. There's an abundance of negative portrayals from the media of Black men but definitely a lack of availability of perspectives from Black men themselves. Honestly, that was one of our main reasons for creating a book from the perspective of Black men. We felt there were several  books that catered to women so it was important for us to give Black men an open forum to discuss  topics such as growing up in fatherless homes or how the really feel about the "Independent" Black woman. Unfortunately, oftentimes perceptions of Black men may not be very positive. This is due to the inaccurate and negative stereotyping that we see in the media. Black love does exist. Yet, we are all too familiar with the staggering statistics. Today, nearly 70% of African-American births are to unmarried mothers. In truth however, many Black people experience well-functioning and successful family units, yet very little research exists on positive marriages, satisfaction, happiness, and Black men’s view of love. 
 
 

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Think Occupy Wall St. is a phase? You don't get it

By Douglas Rushkoff, Special to CNN


(CNN) -- Like the spokesmen for Arab dictators feigning bewilderment over protesters' demands, mainstream television news reporters finally training their attention on the growing Occupy Wall Street protest movement seem determined to cast it as the random, silly blather of an ungrateful and lazy generation of weirdos. They couldn't be more wrong and, as time will tell, may eventually be forced to accept the inevitability of their own obsolescence.

Consider how CNN anchor Erin Burnett, covered the goings on at Zuccotti Park downtown, where the protesters are encamped, in a segment called "Seriously?!" "What are they protesting?" she asked, "nobody seems to know." Like Jay Leno testing random mall patrons on American History, the main objective seemed to be to prove that the protesters didn't, for example, know that the U.S. government has been reimbursed for the bank bailouts. It was condescending and reductionist.

More predictably perhaps, a Fox News reporter appears flummoxed in this outtake from "On the Record," in which the respondent refuses to explain how he wants the protests to "end." Transcending the shallow partisan politics of the moment, the protester explains "As far as seeing it end, I wouldn't like to see it end. I would like to see the conversation continue."

To be fair, the reason why some mainstream news journalists and many of the audiences they serve see the Occupy Wall Street protests as incoherent is because the press and the public are themselves. It is difficult to comprehend a 21st century movement from the perspective of the 20th century politics, media, and economics in which we are still steeped.

Occupy protests spread across U.S.
Unions join 'Occupy Wall Street'
 
In fact, we are witnessing America's first true Internet-era movement, which -- unlike civil rights protests, labor marches, or even the Obama campaign -- does not take its cue from a charismatic leader, express itself in bumper-sticker-length goals and understand itself as having a particular endpoint.

Yes, there are a wide array of complaints, demands, and goals from the Wall Street protesters: the collapsing environment, labor standards, housing policy, government corruption, World Bank lending practices, unemployment, increasing wealth disparity and so on. Different people have been affected by different aspects of the same system -- and they believe they are symptoms of the same core problem.

Are they ready to articulate exactly what that problem is and how to address it? No, not yet. But neither are Congress or the president who, in thrall to corporate America and Wall Street, respectively, have consistently failed to engage in anything resembling a conversation as cogent as the many I witnessed as I strolled by Occupy Wall Street's many teach-ins this morning. There were young people teaching one another about, among other things, how the economy works, about the disconnection of investment banking from the economy of goods and services, the history of centralized interest-bearing currency, the creation and growth of the derivatives industry, and about the Obama administration deciding to settle with, rather than investigate and prosecute the investment banking industry for housing fraud.

Anyone who says he has no idea what these folks are protesting is not being truthful. Whether we agree with them or not, we all know what they are upset about, and we all know that there are investment bankers working on Wall Street getting richer while things for most of the rest of us are getting tougher. What upsets banking's defenders and politicians alike is the refusal of this movement to state its terms or set its goals in the traditional language of campaigns.

That's because, unlike a political campaign designed to get some person in office and then close up shop (as in the election of Obama), this is not a movement with a traditional narrative arc. As the product of the decentralized networked-era culture, it is less about victory than sustainability. It is not about one-pointedness, but inclusion and groping toward consensus. It is not like a book; it is like the Internet.

Occupy Wall Street is meant more as a way of life that spreads through contagion, creates as many questions as it answers, aims to force a reconsideration of the way the nation does business and offers hope to those of us who previously felt alone in our belief that the current economic system is broken.
But unlike a traditional protest, which identifies the enemy and fights for a particular solution, Occupy Wall Street just sits there talking with itself, debating its own worth, recognizing its internal inconsistencies and then continuing on as if this were some sort of new normal. It models a new collectivism, picking up on the sustainable protest village of the movement's Egyptian counterparts, with food, first aid, and a library.

Yes, as so many journalists seem obligated to point out, kids are criticizing corporate America while tweeting through their iPhones. The simplistic critique is that if someone is upset about corporate excess, he is supposed to abandon all connection with any corporate product. Of course, the more nuanced approach to such tradeoffs would be to seek balance rather than ultimatums. Yes, there are things big corporations might do very well, like making iPhones. There are other things big corporations may not do so well, like structure mortgage derivatives. Might we be able to use corporations for what works, and get them out of doing what doesn't?

And yes, some kids are showing up at Occupy Wall Street because it's fun. They come for the people, the excitement, the camaraderie and the sense of purpose they might not be able to find elsewhere. But does this mean that something about Occupy Wall Street is lacking, or that it is providing something that jobs and schools are not (thanks in part to rising unemployment and skyrocketing tuitions)?

The members of Occupy Wall Street may be as unwieldy, paradoxical, and inconsistent as those of us living in the real world. But that is precisely why their new approach to protest is more applicable, sustainable and actionable than what passes for politics today. They are suggesting that the fiscal operating system on which we are attempting to run our economy is no longer appropriate to the task. They mean to show that there is an inappropriate and correctable disconnect between the abundance America produces and the scarcity its markets manufacture.

And in the process, they are pointing the way toward something entirely different than the zero-sum game of artificial scarcity favoring top-down investors and media makers alike.

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Douglas Rushkoff.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Today In History: Morant Bay Rebellion

The Morant Bay rebellion began on October 11, 1865, when Paul Bogle led 200 to 300 black men and women into the town of Morant Bay, parish of St. Thomas in the East, Jamaica. The rebellion and its aftermath were a major turning point in Jamaica's history, and also generated a significant political debate in Britain. Today, the rebellion remains controversial, and is frequently mentioned by specialists in black and colonial studies.

Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morant_Bay_Rebellion


Iranians charged in U.S. over assassination plot


(Reuters) U.S. authorities broke up an alleged plot to bomb the Israeli and Saudi Arabian embassies in Washington and assassinate the Saudi ambassador to the United States, court documents and a U.S. official said on Tuesday.

The alleged plotters were identified as Manssor Arbabsiar and Gholam Shakuri -- both originally from Iran -- in the criminal complaint unsealed in federal court in New York City.

Arbabsiar, a naturalized U.S. citizen, was arrested in late September. Shakuri is still at large.

The plot was disrupted by the Federal Bureau of Investigation and Drug Enforcement Administration.
U.S. officials said one overarching question is whether elements of the Iranian government were behind the plot. Court documents identified Shakuri as a member of the Quds Force, a branch of the Iranian Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps.

Shakuri approved the plan to try to kill the Saudi ambassador during telephone conversations with Arbabsiar, the complaint said.

In July and August, Arbabsiar paid $100,000 to a DEA informant for the murder of Saudi ambassador Adel Al-Jubeir, court documents said.

Arbabsiar was arrested late last month at New York's John F. Kennedy International Airport. After his arrest, court papers said, Arbabsiar confessed to authorities.

The men are charged with one count of conspiracy to murder a foreign official, two counts of foreign travel and use of interstate and foreign commerce facilities in the commission of murder for hire and one count each of conspiracy to use a weapon of mass destruction and conspiracy to commit an act of terrorism.

(Reporting by Basil Katz in New York, James Vicini and Mark Hosenball in Washington; Writing by Jeremy Pelofsky; Editing by John O'Callaghan.)




 http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/10/11/us-usa-security-iran-idUSTRE79A5E020111011

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

COMMUNICATION KILLED ASSUMPTION


Communication Killed Assumption

Written by: Enitan Bereola, II
From the Russ Parr Morning Show

 In today’s news, assumption was found dead and communication has been arrested in connection with the murder.

The miscommunication of male and female relations has led to debate, divorce and death. Man and woman’s understanding of each other is only half the battle. Communication with the opposite sex is like trying to send a text message with a Metro PCS phone on a plane – you attempt delivery, but it just won’t go through. The main problem with a lack of communication is that it forces people to jump to their own conclusions.
Ladies want to know the way men think. They’d like to know why we have double standards, why we lie and lead them on, why we’re not upfront, why we’re so afraid to commit, why we don’t completely answer questions, why we have a hard time communicating and when there will be an answer to all of these questions. When men refuse to address the issues, women begin to assume the answers. Some women think a few dinner dates and some intimacy makes a man her boyfriend, while the man is simply enjoying her company. She then begins to expect much more than her date is willing to offer because they’re communicating two different things.
That’s the problem that most men have with women today. We simply don’t understand how “yes” can mean “no” and why “nothing is wrong” means something is definitely wrong and it needs to be addressed not now, but right now. When she says, “just kidding,” she’s telling the damn truth. When she points out something sweet another man does, she wants you to do it too – but make sure you do it better. Telling her she’s acting crazy is the worst way to get her to stop acting crazy. If she looks upset, she’s upset; and she’s mad at you for you not knowing why she’s mad at you. If she asks, “Is that what you’re wearing,” she probably wants you to change. Sometimes she pushes you away to see if you’re willing to come forward. If she leaves upset, follow her. When she cries, it’s best to hold her tight and not say a word. Women test our reactions; they observe and judge our every action, expression, word and gesture. She notices how long it takes you to respond to a text message and analyzes why it took that long. Women create a connection and sense of intimacy through communication; her personal questions aren’t intended to invade your privacy so don’t be afraid to open up.
If you don’t know how to open up, start by actually answering her questions. A great way to emotionally connect to a woman is to simply let her in. Create a way for her to feel something. Share personal stories that she can relate to. The neurons in her brain will actually generate the same response as if she was right there with you sharing the experience. A woman puts into a relationship exactly what she expects out of it. You can’t watch football with the cable unplugged – you can’t function in a relationship with you unplugged. Relationships are useless with no connection. Communication is cable.
Women really aren’t as complicated as we make them out to be – they just want to be loved and express that much differently than men. A woman wants more than anything else to feel emotion. That’s why she tells us about her day when we don’t feel like being bothered or ask us all sorts of detailed questions when we think it’s unnecessary. To her, communication is a way of emotionally connecting on a level deeper than surface. Mental stimulation is better than sex … chivalry is foreplay.
But the communication barrier is so thick simply because men and women think and interpret information differently. The male mind is based on hard facts & reason whereas the female mind responds more to emotion and empathy. Women are natural nurturers and men are natural workers. Ask a man to go to the store for bread & he’ll bring back bread. Ask a woman to go to the store for bread and she’ll bring back groceries. Understanding this basic concept will help us understand our breakdown in communication.
Some of us may be crazy, but we’re not nuts and you damn sure can’t crack us open. Ladies, never attempt to pry or force communication out of a man. The results are similar to prying out teeth, no anesthesia. Be patient with us more, love us harder, and show us that we can count on you. When a dog begins to trust a new houseguest, it’s behavior changes … well you say we’re dogs, right?
Women must understand that most men can’t decipher your cryptic code. Psychics aren’t real, so either try to learn the way we communicate or date a psychic. Your tendency to communicate emotionally & inwardly often leaves us confused trying to figure out what you’re really saying. We often wonder what you want, but it’s tragic when you wonder the same thing. Get to know you before you expect a man to.
As simple as men are, we understand that sometimes ladies just don’t get us. Take a look at my “Five Communications Do’s & Don’ts” to help you out.
Communication Do’s:
▪ Do approach with caution. The four words men hate to hear is “We need to talk.” It’s not what you say; it’s how and when you say it.▪ Do acknowledge our efforts. A lot of men won’t admit it, but we require affirmation just like you. So before you communicate that we’re doing something wrong, acknowledge what we’re doing right or even that you know we’re trying.▪ Do be upfront … but not “in your face upfront.” I know that sometimes women aren’t blunt to protect a man’s ego, but speak matter-of-factly so that we understand the serious tone and nature of the conversation. When we see that a woman is sure and clear about what she wants, we’ll definitely straighten up and take notice. Most men like direct women because most men are direct, but there is truly an art to approaching us so that we not only receive what you’re communicating, but also open up to you.▪ Do find the right time we communicate together effectively. Timing is everything. Sometimes an issue will arise that requires communication and since women are more emotionally driven, she may want to discuss things in the heat of the moment. In the meantime, a logically driven man may want to sleep on it & discuss when our mind is settled. She doesn’t understand our logical argument when she’s arguing emotionally. Forcing communication while emotions are high is like sparking a lighter in a gas factory. The way to come to a compromise about finding the right time to effectively communicate is by communicating when nothings wrong. The best time to talk to us about problems is when there are no problems.▪ Do speak in love and pick your battles. Not everything under the sun needs to be communicated. Decide what’s important and what can be figured out overtime or else every day will be another boring board meeting with your boyfriend. Communication Don’ts:
▪ Don’t get mad at us when we laugh or smile when you’re trying to have serious communication. There’s just something so sexy and so cute about her when she’s mad and trying to have a serious conversation. We’re listening … you’re just sexy!▪ Don’t text him 10 times a day to ask over & over where the relationship is going. You have to strike a healthy balance in letting a man know what you stand for & expect, while still allowing progression to happen naturally. As men don’t always go into situations looking for relationships but we get into them because we recognize a good lady when we see one. Forcing yourselves onto us creates a force field around us and blocks you. Set boundaries and state intentions early and you won’t have to bring up “the talk” at all because we’ll gladly do it for you.▪ Don’t always have something to say. Sometimes communication is simply listening. Just like you need to vent, at times we need to vent and prefer you just listen.▪ Don’t communicate problems in public. If you’re out with friends and an issue occurs, keep your class and wait until you’re behind closed doors to discuss it. Maintain your relationship’s privacy and integrity because you’ll eventually forget about your public blow-up but friends & family won’t & some will be happy to always remind you.▪ Don’t ignore body language. 55% of communication is non-verbal, 38% is vocal (pitch, speed, volume, tone of voice) and only 7% is actual words. So listen to what we do. If we’ve scheduled a time to talk about something and we look like we’re not in the mood for discussion but we made an effort to discuss anyway, just change the subject. It can wait and we’ll love you for it.▪ Don’t focus on what we’re NOT saying. Forget what you’d like us to say, take us at face value. It’s a known fact that we speak different languages, but most of the time our communication doesn’t require interpretation. As we understand that we’re both saying the same thing, just saying it differently, then we can begin to move forward in understanding one another. Don’t dive deep into shallow water. THIS JUST IN: Text messaging has been arrested in the attempted murder of effective communication. Text tried to kill real conversation. If all he does is send you words over a mobile device, it isn’t a real relationship. Oral communication is an intimate act so if a man goes as far as reaching out to pick up a phone and call or wants to talk a lady in person, he’s definitely interested. Now back to your program already in progress.
Communication killed assumptions! The more we attempt to effectively communicate with each other, the more we can begin to love one another. Men and women desire the same thing – to be loved. It’s the way in which we seek out love and attention that causes so much friction. We may speak different languages but that’s the beauty of it. Love is the language that a deaf woman can hear and a blind mind can see. We need to kill this senseless Venus vs. Mars act that’s been going on for decades. We need ladies and they need us. It’s not Venus vs. Mars, it’s Venus
with Mars. Let’s focus on everything right with us, instead of everything wrong with us. Learn to appreciate, enjoy and love our differences instead of shunning them; it’s what makes us beautiful.
R.I.P. Assumptions.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

What Makes a Happy Relationship?


What Makes a Happy Relationship?
by JONATHAN

Why are some couples happier than others? What is the “secret” for a great relationship? With certain couples it is clear there is something about the way they interact that makes it obvious they have a unique and genuine connection.
Even if you’re in a good relationship, you can’t help but wonder: What do they know that I don’t? And if you’re single, you might look at these couples and attribute it all to chemistry or destiny. But it turns out that people in great relationships live by a few basic rules and they make these rules a priority in their day-to-day lives together. Consider these habits that can help you create a strong, nurturing relationship.

Happy relationships are based on realistic expectations
Forget what you see in the movies or on television. In other words, real relationships aren’t anything like what you see in the movies full of non-stop romance, candlelight dinners and whirlwind trips to exotic locations.
Real relationships take effort, time and commitment. Great relationships just don’t happen because two people love each very much, great relationships happen because not only do two people love each other very much, they also value one another and are willing to make an investment of time into the relationship – day after day.
Couples in healthy and positive relationships have a fundamental understanding of the proper and appropriate expectations for a stable and long-lastingrelationship. They understand that not all days will be full or passion and romance. Similarly, they understand that rough spots in a relationship may only be temporary if good communication is present to work through these times.
A good way to look at this is to consider not getting too excited with the very high “highs” or too concerned with the very low “lows.” Both are momentary at best, and will not define the true nature and scope of the relationship over a long period of time. By reframing these extremes, you will be left with the right measure of balance and the right set of expectations to build a quality and sustainable relationship for many years to come.

Happy relationships take daily work and thoughtfulness
People who are in successful relationships work on these partnerships regularly. They don’t just set their life on cruise control expecting things to be great all of the time. Ask yourself, “What can I do today to make my partner’s life better?” Little bits of effort every day will accumulate over time and make a big difference.
Think of small, specific ways to make your relationship better whether it’s picking up your loved one’s dry cleaning, telling your partner that you’re proud of him or her, or taking over a task he or she really doesn’t like to do.
You should make an effort every day to deposit at least one act of thoughtfulness into your relationship’s bank account. Your goal, however, should not be to make a huge withdrawal at the end of the week. Your only goal should be to keep giving the things your mate wants – either his or her expressed and unexpressed wants. If there are actions you can take to make your partner’s day more convenient and less stressful, then do them. But, again, don’t do them for what you could gain by providing them.

Happy relationships need communication know-how
It may look as if people in great relationships intuitively know what their partners need. But the truth is, no one is a mind-reader so don’t expect your partner to be able to figure out how you’re feeling.
When things aren’t perfectly in sync, couples in this kind of relationship know how to communicate. They know that instead of giving their partner a laundry list of what he or she is doing wrong, they can be specific about what it is that they want. They also make an effort to discover what their partner’s needs are. The best way for most people to do this is talk about it.
Ask your partner what things are really important to him or her. Does he want to know you’re proud of him? Does she need to be able to express her sadness over a family or work-related situation without hearing how she ought to handle it?
Too often we get into the habit of coaching and not listening. The best way to let your partner know you are listening is to ask how she or he “feels” about the situation. Once they begin sharing, your job is simply to shut-up and listen. Offer acknowledgments and affirmations from time-to-time to demonstrate you are engaged with what is being said. Only give your opinion or advice if asked.


Happy relationships turn negatives into positives
You may have heard the expression: “When you are given lemons – make lemonade.” Overtime, relationships are handed several lemons. The sources for negative feelings and unbalance are numerous. Some are directly caused between both people because of poor or missing communication. Indirect sources of anxiety in a relationship can be work- related or financially based.
When the interpersonal aspect of the relationship is creating the negativity, consider this simple exercise. First, you and your partner must be open to honest feedback. Next, ask your partner this question: “On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate our relationship (keep in mind the word “relationship” can be substituted for intimacy; support of one another, etc.)
Allow your partner time to reflect and provide an honest reply. If the answer is “Seven,” ask this follow-up question: “What are three things I can do to get our relationship to a ten (if the answer is “six,” you would ask for four things, etc.)? Again, give your partner time to consider their response. It may be hard to listen, because the answers may sound critical and negative. But really, the answers are solutions to turn the negatives into positives.
There is one more critical part of this exercise. After your partner is finished and you have taken in and acknowledged the areas for improvement, ask this question: “What are three (or whatever the number needs to be) things you can do to get our relationship to a ten?”
By asking this follow-up question, it’s putting the relationship back on equal footing and back into the spirit of a true partnership. Except for certain extreme and unfortunate examples, most relationships are successful, or not successful, because of the contributions and efforts of both. Take an honest look at how you are contributing to any negative circumstances, but also be aware it does take two to make it work and to create a more positive and healthy relationship.
When lemons drop from the trees, but you and your partner were expecting apples, begin to make lemonade by creating an action list of what you both can do to get apples next time.

Cultivation of Truth: Overreacting To The Confederate Flag?

TruthSpeakers,

As you know, I do social work in the state of Arkansas. I currently work in a rural area by the name of Van Buren ( Crawford County). One day I was out making home visits and I came across a client with a huge confederate flag on his front porch. My first thoughts were to keep driving because I didn't know what to expect with this family. Let's face it. We still live in racist times. I wasn't trying to get spit on, lynched, or someone sicking their dog on me. I go back to my office and I ask my Caucasian co-worker and my Mexican co-worker what are their views on the confederate flag. My Mexican co-worker doesn't feel the flag is a racist symbol. My Caucasian coworker went into a whole history lesson about the Civil war. He felt neutral on the topic. I feel the flag is a symbol of hatred. It is a plot to secretly say let's bring back slavery and it is also associated with the KKK. Some of my co-workers on the other hand, feel it is a symbol of southern pride. ...... As the only black worker in my Department, I feel people think I overreact when things like this arise. But if they could walk a mile in my shoes, I can't help but wonder would their views change. As a young black woman in a society proudly waving the flag that caused so many deaths in America and promoting the enslavement of African Americans, am I really over reacting???

As a TruthSpeaker in search of the truth, I would like your help in unmasking the controversy of the Confederate flag.




TruthSpeaker,

Thank for your your letter, it greatly assists us in our effort to identify issues that over time have become ignored in our society.

Your co-worker is correct in referring to the Civil Way as the source of the Confederate Flag. It was one of the official flags flown by the Confederate States of America during the American Civil War, where over 1,000,000 Americans were killed. The fact that it was used by an enemy of the United States of America, in a conflict that erupted primarily over the states' rights to own slaves, is a reason why the Confederate Flag should be disrespectful to all Americans and why its manufacture be made illegal.

The Confederate Flag is easily the most recognizable flag in the U.S. behind the American Flag. Knowledgeable Americans know the history of the flag and the current uses and implications of its symbolism. A symbol of resistance to Lincoln's America, a rallying point in the fight against the desegregation of the Civil Rights era, and now a tool to incite fear, used for the Ku Klux Klan, Neo-Nazis, Aryans, and other white-supremacy groups.

I recommend the manufacture of the Confederate Flag, opposed to the total abolition of the flag because it may still hold meaning in the minds of some Americans. Some states still fly the Flag, Mississippi has even adopted its likeness into its own flag. Breaking with an idea that many view so strongly will have to take time. That's why the illegalisation of the manufacture is a preferred method. It gives those who want the flag a chance to keep their flag, honor it, memoralize it however they see fit, as long as they don't infringe upon the Constitutional Rights of other Americans.

So no, I do not believe you are overreacting to the use of the Confederate Flag.

AKR

Cocoon

I’ve often wondered what makes a person mess up a perfectly good relationship.  Is it because they don’t value the relationship or is it because they’re so use to being in messed up relationships that it just comes naturally.  Almost second nature.
Damaged goods:  There are so many women who fall under this category.  They’ve been hurt beyond repair and it’s so cliché, but true…it’s not the next man’s fault, but unfortunately it is what it is because she is now the byproduct of what the man (men) before him has done.  She begins to save herself.  She begins to protect herself and be her own heroine.  She places her heart in a cocoon hoping that one day she’ll be able to break free and experience a real love.   Until then, she continues to stay protected and no one can hurt her as long as she knows how far to lower her guard and if perhaps, she lowers it too far; she’ll quickly retract it for fear of being hurt.
What do women really want?  It’s simple.  All women want to be loved.  All women want a man whom they can call their own.  All women want a man whom they feel protected and secure with.  All women want a man whom they can trust.
So, it’s never an issue of women not knowing what they want.  However, the issue damaged women have is being able to openly receive what they want when it’s given to them.  Huh?  I’ll explain.
I told you what women really want.  So, let’s just say she gets him.  She meets a man who’s loving and so willing to love her.  She meets a man who wants to be exclusively hers.  She meets a man who makes her feel protected and secure whether she’s in his presence or not.  She meets a man who she feels she can trust.  Now, what does she do with him?
Initially, she’s on cloud nine.  She has found the man of her dreams.  He’s all she’s ever hoped and dreamed of and more.  Initially, she feels like she deserves him and all that he has to offer her.  Initially, she accepts him with open arms.  But remember…she’s damaged beyond repair so, she suspects it’s too good to be true.  She suspects that he is just like him, but she refuses to let him do the same thing to her as he did.  She refuses to let him have that much access to her heart; leaving herself vulnerable and exposed.  So, what does she do?  She returns to the familiar.  She returns to what she knows.  She returns to her safe zone because this is something she’s never had so she doesn’t truly know what to do with it.  She looks for reasons “why” and looks for “familiar” actions to validate her suspicions.  Ways to sabotage what she really wants.
For some women this is real.  For some women this is a never ending cycle.  For some women it’s going to take a man who recognizes that she is “an angel whose wings have been clipped by a perfectly dressed decoy” and is willing to stay through her healing process.  For her it’s going to take a man whose will to love can penetrate through her chrysalis cocoon without piercing or causing anymore trauma to her damaged heart.
What do women who know what they want and get what they want do when they get it?  “Pray hard and let go of the past. Realize and understand that they deserve happiness.  You deserve him.  Stop selling yourself short and recognize that you have a good man who is willing to help you deal with your insecurities.  Patiently waiting and wanting to love you.  Give him a chance.  Trust yourself and let him love you.”  Stop looking for reasons to stay sheltered in your cocoon.    It’s time to begin molting.  Hope you’re prepared to spread your wings and fly away.  
 “Not all men come for something.  Some come to restore.”

Repeal of Gay Ban Causing Few Waves in Military


By: Robert Burns, AP National Security Writer



WASHINGTON (AP) — After years of debate and months of final preparations, the military can no longer prevent gays from serving openly in its ranks.

Repeal of a 1993 law that allowed gays to serve only so long as they kept their sexual orientation private took effect Tuesday at 12:01 a.m. EDT.

Some in Congress still oppose the change, but top Pentagon leaders have certified that it will not undermine the military's ability to recruit or to fight wars.

The Army was distributing a business-as-usual statement Tuesday saying simply, "The law is repealed," and reminding soldiers to treat each other fairly.

Defense Secretary Leon Panetta and the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Adm. Mike Mullen, scheduled a Pentagon news conference to field questions about the repeal. And a bipartisan group of congressional supporters of allowing openly gay service planned a news conference on Capitol Hill.

Gay advocacy groups planned a series of celebrations across the country.

Pentagon press secretary George Little said Monday that the military is adequately prepared for the end of the current policy, commonly known as "don't ask, don't tell," under which gays can serve as long as they don't openly acknowledge their sexual orientation and commanders are not allowed to ask.

"No one should be left with the impression that we are unprepared. We are prepared for repeal," Little said.

Last week, the Pentagon said 97 percent of the military has undergone training in the new law.

For weeks the military services have accepted applications from openly gay recruits, while waiting for repeal to take effect before processing the applications.

With the lifting of the ban, the Defense Department will publish revised regulations to reflect the new law allowing gays to serve openly. The revisions, such as eliminating references to banned homosexual service, are in line with policy guidance that was issued by top Pentagon officials in January, after Obama signed the legislation that did away with the "don't ask, don't tell" policy.

The lifting of the 18-year-old ban also brings a halt to all pending investigations, discharges and other administrative proceedings that were begun under the Clinton-era law.

Existing standards of personal conduct, such as those pertaining to public displays of affection, will continue regardless of sexual orientation.

There also will be no immediate changes to eligibility standards for military benefits. All service members already are entitled to certain benefits and entitlements, such as designating a partner as one's life insurance beneficiary or as designated caregiver in the Wounded Warrior program.

Gay marriage is one of the thornier issues. An initial move by the Navy earlier this year to train chaplains about same-sex civil unions in states where they are legal was halted after more than five dozen lawmakers objected. The Pentagon is reviewing the issue.

Service members who were discharged under the "don't ask, don't tell" law will be allowed to re-enlist, but their applications will not be given priority over those of any others with prior military experience who are seeking to re-enlist.

Some in Congress remain opposed to repeal, arguing that it may undermine order and discipline.

A leading advocate, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, said Monday the repeal is overdue.

"Our nation will finally close the door on a fundamental unfairness for gays and lesbians, and indeed affirm equality for all Americans," the California Democrat said.

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Associated Press writers Pauline Jelinek in Washington and Julie Watson in San Diego contributed to this report.