What Makes a Happy Relationship?

What Makes a Happy Relationship?

by JONATHAN

Why are some couples happier than others? What is the “secret” for a great relationship? With certain couples it is clear there is something about the way they interact that makes it obvious they have a unique and genuine connection.

Even if you’re in a good relationship, you can’t help but wonder: What do they know that I don’t? And if you’re single, you might look at these couples and attribute it all to chemistry or destiny. But it turns out that people in great relationships live by a few basic rules and they make these rules a priority in their day-to-day lives together. Consider these habits that can help you create a strong, nurturing relationship.

Happy relationships are based on realistic expectations

Forget what you see in the movies or on television. In other words, real relationships aren’t anything like what you see in the movies full of non-stop romance, candlelight dinners and whirlwind trips to exotic locations.

Real relationships take effort, time and commitment. Great relationships just don’t happen because two people love each very much, great relationships happen because not only do two people love each other very much, they also value one another and are willing to make an investment of time into the relationship – day after day.

Couples in healthy and positive relationships have a fundamental understanding of the proper and appropriate expectations for a stable and long-lastingrelationship. They understand that not all days will be full or passion and romance. Similarly, they understand that rough spots in a relationship may only be temporary if good communication is present to work through these times.

A good way to look at this is to consider not getting too excited with the very high “highs” or too concerned with the very low “lows.” Both are momentary at best, and will not define the true nature and scope of the relationship over a long period of time. By reframing these extremes, you will be left with the right measure of balance and the right set of expectations to build a quality and sustainable relationship for many years to come.

Happy relationships take daily work and thoughtfulness

People who are in successful relationships work on these partnerships regularly. They don’t just set their life on cruise control expecting things to be great all of the time. Ask yourself, “What can I do today to make my partner’s life better?” Little bits of effort every day will accumulate over time and make a big difference.

Think of small, specific ways to make your relationship better whether it’s picking up your loved one’s dry cleaning, telling your partner that you’re proud of him or her, or taking over a task he or she really doesn’t like to do.

You should make an effort every day to deposit at least one act of thoughtfulness into your relationship’s bank account. Your goal, however, should not be to make a huge withdrawal at the end of the week. Your only goal should be to keep giving the things your mate wants – either his or her expressed and unexpressed wants. If there are actions you can take to make your partner’s day more convenient and less stressful, then do them. But, again, don’t do them for what you could gain by providing them.

Happy relationships need communication know-how

It may look as if people in great relationships intuitively know what their partners need. But the truth is, no one is a mind-reader so don’t expect your partner to be able to figure out how you’re feeling.

When things aren’t perfectly in sync, couples in this kind of relationship know how to communicate. They know that instead of giving their partner a laundry list of what he or she is doing wrong, they can be specific about what it is that they want. They also make an effort to discover what their partner’s needs are. The best way for most people to do this is talk about it.

Ask your partner what things are really important to him or her. Does he want to know you’re proud of him? Does she need to be able to express her sadness over a family or work-related situation without hearing how she ought to handle it?

Too often we get into the habit of coaching and not listening. The best way to let your partner know you are listening is to ask how she or he “feels” about the situation. Once they begin sharing, your job is simply to shut-up and listen. Offer acknowledgments and affirmations from time-to-time to demonstrate you are engaged with what is being said. Only give your opinion or advice if asked.

Happy relationships turn negatives into positives

You may have heard the expression: “When you are given lemons – make lemonade.” Overtime, relationships are handed several lemons. The sources for negative feelings and unbalance are numerous. Some are directly caused between both people because of poor or missing communication. Indirect sources of anxiety in a relationship can be work- related or financially based.

When the interpersonal aspect of the relationship is creating the negativity, consider this simple exercise. First, you and your partner must be open to honest feedback. Next, ask your partner this question: “On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate our relationship (keep in mind the word “relationship” can be substituted for intimacy; support of one another, etc.)

Allow your partner time to reflect and provide an honest reply. If the answer is “Seven,” ask this follow-up question: “What are three things I can do to get our relationship to a ten (if the answer is “six,” you would ask for four things, etc.)? Again, give your partner time to consider their response. It may be hard to listen, because the answers may sound critical and negative. But really, the answers are solutions to turn the negatives into positives.

There is one more critical part of this exercise. After your partner is finished and you have taken in and acknowledged the areas for improvement, ask this question: “What are three (or whatever the number needs to be) things you can do to get our relationship to a ten?”

By asking this follow-up question, it’s putting the relationship back on equal footing and back into the spirit of a true partnership. Except for certain extreme and unfortunate examples, most relationships are successful, or not successful, because of the contributions and efforts of both. Take an honest look at how you are contributing to any negative circumstances, but also be aware it does take two to make it work and to create a more positive and healthy relationship.

When lemons drop from the trees, but you and your partner were expecting apples, begin to make lemonade by creating an action list of what you both can do to get apples next time.

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Cultivation of Truth: Overreacting To The Confederate Flag?

TruthSpeakers,

As you know, I do social work in the state of Arkansas. I currently work in a rural area by the name of Van Buren ( Crawford County). One day I was out making home visits and I came across a client with a huge confederate flag on his front porch. My first thoughts were to keep driving because I didn't know what to expect with this family. Let's face it. We still live in racist times. I wasn't trying to get spit on, lynched, or someone sicking their dog on me. I go back to my office and I ask my Caucasian co-worker and my Mexican co-worker what are their views on the confederate flag. My Mexican co-worker doesn't feel the flag is a racist symbol. My Caucasian coworker went into a whole history lesson about the Civil war. He felt neutral on the topic. I feel the flag is a symbol of hatred. It is a plot to secretly say let's bring back slavery and it is also associated with the KKK. Some of my co-workers on the other hand, feel it is a symbol of southern pride. ...... As the only black worker in my Department, I feel people think I overreact when things like this arise. But if they could walk a mile in my shoes, I can't help but wonder would their views change. As a young black woman in a society proudly waving the flag that caused so many deaths in America and promoting the enslavement of African Americans, am I really over reacting???

As a TruthSpeaker in search of the truth, I would like your help in unmasking the controversy of the Confederate flag.

TruthSpeaker,

Thank for your your letter, it greatly assists us in our effort to identify issues that over time have become ignored in our society.

Your co-worker is correct in referring to the Civil Way as the source of the Confederate Flag. It was one of the official flags flown by the Confederate States of America during the American Civil War, where over 1,000,000 Americans were killed. The fact that it was used by an enemy of the United States of America, in a conflict that erupted primarily over the states' rights to own slaves, is a reason why the Confederate Flag should be disrespectful to all Americans and why its manufacture be made illegal.

The Confederate Flag is easily the most recognizable flag in the U.S. behind the American Flag. Knowledgeable Americans know the history of the flag and the current uses and implications of its symbolism. A symbol of resistance to Lincoln's America, a rallying point in the fight against the desegregation of the Civil Rights era, and now a tool to incite fear, used for the Ku Klux Klan, Neo-Nazis, Aryans, and other white-supremacy groups.

I recommend the manufacture of the Confederate Flag, opposed to the total abolition of the flag because it may still hold meaning in the minds of some Americans. Some states still fly the Flag, Mississippi has even adopted its likeness into its own flag. Breaking with an idea that many view so strongly will have to take time. That's why the illegalisation of the manufacture is a preferred method. It gives those who want the flag a chance to keep their flag, honor it, memoralize it however they see fit, as long as they don't infringe upon the Constitutional Rights of other Americans.

So no, I do not believe you are overreacting to the use of the Confederate Flag.

AKR

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Cocoon

I’ve often wondered what makes a person mess up a perfectly good relationship.  Is it because they don’t value the relationship or is it because they’re so use to being in messed up relationships that it just comes naturally.  Almost second nature.

Damaged goods:  There are so many women who fall under this category.  They’ve been hurt beyond repair and it’s so cliché, but true…it’s not the next man’s fault, but unfortunately it is what it is because she is now the byproduct of what the man (men) before him has done.  She begins to save herself.  She begins to protect herself and be her own heroine.  She places her heart in a cocoon hoping that one day she’ll be able to break free and experience a real love.   Until then, she continues to stay protected and no one can hurt her as long as she knows how far to lower her guard and if perhaps, she lowers it too far; she’ll quickly retract it for fear of being hurt.

What do women really want?  It’s simple.  All women want to be loved.  All women want a man whom they can call their own.  All women want a man whom they feel protected and secure with.  All women want a man whom they can trust.

So, it’s never an issue of women not knowing what they want.  However, the issue damaged women have is being able to openly receive what they want when it’s given to them.  Huh?  I’ll explain.

I told you what women really want.  So, let’s just say she gets him.  She meets a man who’s loving and so willing to love her.  She meets a man who wants to be exclusively hers.  She meets a man who makes her feel protected and secure whether she’s in his presence or not.  She meets a man who she feels she can trust.  Now, what does she do with him?

Initially, she’s on cloud nine.  She has found the man of her dreams.  He’s all she’s ever hoped and dreamed of and more.  Initially, she feels like she deserves him and all that he has to offer her.  Initially, she accepts him with open arms.  But remember…she’s damaged beyond repair so, she suspects it’s too good to be true.  She suspects that he is just like him, but she refuses to let him do the same thing to her as he did.  She refuses to let him have that much access to her heart; leaving herself vulnerable and exposed.  So, what does she do?  She returns to the familiar.  She returns to what she knows.  She returns to her safe zone because this is something she’s never had so she doesn’t truly know what to do with it.  She looks for reasons “why” and looks for “familiar” actions to validate her suspicions.  Ways to sabotage what she really wants.

For some women this is real.  For some women this is a never ending cycle.  For some women it’s going to take a man who recognizes that she is “an angel whose wings have been clipped by a perfectly dressed decoy” and is willing to stay through her healing process.  For her it’s going to take a man whose will to love can penetrate through her chrysalis cocoon without piercing or causing anymore trauma to her damaged heart.

What do women who know what they want and get what they want do when they get it?  “Pray hard and let go of the past. Realize and understand that they deserve happiness.  You deserve him.  Stop selling yourself short and recognize that you have a good man who is willing to help you deal with your insecurities.  Patiently waiting and wanting to love you.  Give him a chance.  Trust yourself and let him love you.”  Stop looking for reasons to stay sheltered in your cocoon.    It’s time to begin molting.  Hope you’re prepared to spread your wings and fly away.  

 “Not all men come for something.  Some come to restore.”

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Repeal of Gay Ban Causing Few Waves in Military

By: Robert Burns, AP National Security Writer

WASHINGTON (AP) — After years of debate and months of final preparations, the military can no longer prevent gays from serving openly in its ranks.

Repeal of a 1993 law that allowed gays to serve only so long as they kept their sexual orientation private took effect Tuesday at 12:01 a.m. EDT.

Some in Congress still oppose the change, but top Pentagon leaders have certified that it will not undermine the military's ability to recruit or to fight wars.

The Army was distributing a business-as-usual statement Tuesday saying simply, "The law is repealed," and reminding soldiers to treat each other fairly.

Defense Secretary Leon Panetta and the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Adm. Mike Mullen, scheduled a Pentagon news conference to field questions about the repeal. And a bipartisan group of congressional supporters of allowing openly gay service planned a news conference on Capitol Hill.

Gay advocacy groups planned a series of celebrations across the country.

Pentagon press secretary George Little said Monday that the military is adequately prepared for the end of the current policy, commonly known as "don't ask, don't tell," under which gays can serve as long as they don't openly acknowledge their sexual orientation and commanders are not allowed to ask.

"No one should be left with the impression that we are unprepared. We are prepared for repeal," Little said.

Last week, the Pentagon said 97 percent of the military has undergone training in the new law.

For weeks the military services have accepted applications from openly gay recruits, while waiting for repeal to take effect before processing the applications.

With the lifting of the ban, the Defense Department will publish revised regulations to reflect the new law allowing gays to serve openly. The revisions, such as eliminating references to banned homosexual service, are in line with policy guidance that was issued by top Pentagon officials in January, after Obama signed the legislation that did away with the "don't ask, don't tell" policy.

The lifting of the 18-year-old ban also brings a halt to all pending investigations, discharges and other administrative proceedings that were begun under the Clinton-era law.

Existing standards of personal conduct, such as those pertaining to public displays of affection, will continue regardless of sexual orientation.

There also will be no immediate changes to eligibility standards for military benefits. All service members already are entitled to certain benefits and entitlements, such as designating a partner as one's life insurance beneficiary or as designated caregiver in the Wounded Warrior program.

Gay marriage is one of the thornier issues. An initial move by the Navy earlier this year to train chaplains about same-sex civil unions in states where they are legal was halted after more than five dozen lawmakers objected. The Pentagon is reviewing the issue.

Service members who were discharged under the "don't ask, don't tell" law will be allowed to re-enlist, but their applications will not be given priority over those of any others with prior military experience who are seeking to re-enlist.

Some in Congress remain opposed to repeal, arguing that it may undermine order and discipline.

A leading advocate, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, said Monday the repeal is overdue.

"Our nation will finally close the door on a fundamental unfairness for gays and lesbians, and indeed affirm equality for all Americans," the California Democrat said.

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Associated Press writers Pauline Jelinek in Washington and Julie Watson in San Diego contributed to this report.

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Time to Start Talking : The Reality of Sexually Transmitted Diseases

Vanessa Cullins, Vice president for Medical Affairs at Planned Parenthood Federation of America

How many negative statistics do we have to read before we get the message? When it comes to practicing safer sex, much work still needs to be done. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), as many as 19 million new sexually transmitted infections occur in the U.S. each year. While STIs cross all racial lines, African Americans are disproportionately at risk for such common infections as chlamydia, gonorrhea, herpes, and syphilis. African Americans make up just 13 percent of the U.S. population, yet in 2009 we accounted for approximately half of all new cases of chlamydia and syphilis (48 percent and 52 percent respectively), and some 71 percent of gonorrhea cases. We also experienced more than half of newly diagnosed HIV infections; in fact a report last month from the CDC found a significant increase in the number of new infections of gay and bisexual African-American men between the ages of 13-29.

African-American women must take the first step to protect our health: Talk about sex. I know that can be difficult. Many of us live in communities that consider explicit discussions about sex embarrassing or shameful. Or we may be too worried about what our partners will think or do. Will he think I'm promiscuous? Will he get sex from another woman? Some women have been led to falsely believe there's a shortage of good men out here and feel pressured to please their partners, even when they refuse to use condoms. Some women falsely think they're not at risk.

Think again. The truth is all of us are at risk. The misconception that you have to be promiscuous to get a sexually transmitted infection just isn't true. We have to be just as honest with ourselves about our risks -- and the reasons why. For a number of reasons -- including a lack of affordable health care, men who have multiple sex partners, bisexual men, and the high incarceration rate of African-American men, who are exposed to STIs, including HIV, while in prison -- these infections are much more prevalent in African American communities. If you live in an area where an infection is widespread, your risk of meeting an infected partner is automatically higher -- and protecting yourself takes even more diligence. Untreated infections can not only lead to HIV/AIDS but to infertility, chronic pelvic pain, cervical cancer and other serious conditions.

Remember, you only know your own sexual behaviors and sexual history. And you trust that what your partner tells you about his or hers is true. But until you are feeling supremely trustful, or are in a serious, monogamous relationship, do whatever it takes to protect your health and wellness. When it comes to sex, that means honest discussions about sex, since dialogue and observation of his or her behaviors are the only way to determine trustworthiness. That doesn't mean you have to give up sex to stay safe. But you do have to use protection; there simply is no reason for anyone not to.

These things may not be easy to talk about, but the conversation has to happen. Start by asking your partner if he or she has ever been tested for a STI. Then explain that it's important to you to use protection -- to not only prevent an infection but an unintended pregnancy. Talk about the different kinds of protection, what will work best for the two of you, and then find ways to make using it fun.
You also need to get yourself tested every year. So does your partner. Don't let cost or embarrassment keep you from getting tested. Nowadays, the urine tests are quick, painless and readily available at Planned Parenthood health centers and other community clinics. And don't let fear hold you back. Any sexually transmitted infection can be controlled with medication, and many can be cured completely. Even testing positive is more an opportunity than a curse, both for you and your partner, because if you don't know you're infected, you can't get treated and stay healthy.

You can only protect your health -- and that of your partner -- by taking the first step. Talk.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vanessa-cullins/african-american-std-sti-prevention_b_959269.html

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Georgia Board Considers Troy Davis Case

ATLANTA — Supporters of Troy Davis made a last-ditch effort Monday to stop his execution for the 1989 murder of an off-duty Savannah police officer, asking the Georgia pardons board to grant him clemency.

The Georgia Board of Pardons and Paroles, which has the power to change death sentences but rarely does, did not issue an immediate decision.

A spokesman for the panel said they would not decide before Tuesday.

Defense attorneys and the victim’s family both said they were cautiously optimistic the five-member panel would side with them.

Davis, 42, has long claimed he’s innocent of killing Mark MacPhail, and the questions surrounding his case have attracted a host of high-profile supporters. After decades of legal wrangling, Davis is set to be put to death by lethal injection Wednesday, the fourth time in four years the state has tried to execute him.

Inside the closed-door meeting, a parade of attorneys and supporters asked the board to spare Davis’ life. Defense attorney Stephen Marsh said the legal team told the board there was too much substantial doubt about his guilt to allow the execution to go forward.

Prosecutors and MacPhail’s family presented their case on Monday afternoon. After the hearing, the victim’s relatives said they asked the board to reject Davis’ bid so they can have peace.

“A future was taken from me. A future we would have had together, the future he would have had with his family,” said a tearful Madison MacPhail, who was a toddler when her father was killed. “I believe the death penalty is the correct source of justice.”

Outside the hearing, dozens of Davis’ supporters hoisted a massive “Save Troy Davis” sign and formed a makeshift drum line at one entrance to the building. At another entrance, other supporters were holding a somber prayer vigil on his behalf.

Davis has captured worldwide attention because of the doubt his supporters have raised over whether he killed MacPhail, who was shot to death while rushing to help a homeless man who had been attacked. Several of the witnesses who helped convict him at his 1991 trial have backed off their testimony or recanted. Others who did not testify say another man at the scene admitted to the shooting.

The U.S. Supreme Court even granted Davis a hearing to prove his innocence, the first time it had done so for a death row inmate in at least 50 years. The high court set up a hearing, but Davis couldn’t convince a lower federal judge to grant him a new trial. The Supreme Court did not review his case. Federal appeals courts and the Georgia Supreme Court have upheld his conviction, leaving the parole board as his last chance.

The pardons board in 2007 decided to delay Davis’ execution for 90 days to grant the courts more time to review the case. A year later, it denied clemency and allowed his execution to go forward. Since then, though, three new members have been appointed.

“We are hopeful this tremendous outpouring of support will demonstrate there’s such a huge concern about this case, and that this message will resonate with them,” said Laura Moye of Amnesty International, who delivered thousands of petitions in support of Davis to the board last week. “The very reputation and faith that this public has in its justice system is on the line.”

Among those who support Davis’ clemency request are former president Jimmy Carter and Pope Benedict XVI. A host of conservative figures have also advocated on his behalf, including former U.S. Rep. Bob Barr, ex-Justice Department official Larry Thompson and one-time FBI Director William Sessions.

The board, which meets in a closed-door session, heard hours of testimony from Davis’ legal team and witnesses, although Davis himself did not appear.

Attorneys said the board heard from Quiana Glover, who said she was at a friend’s house in June 2009 when another man told her he killed MacPhail, and Brenda Forrest, a juror who helped convict him in 1991 but is now having second thoughts.

“I feel, emphatically, that Mr. Davis cannot be executed under these circumstances,” Forrest said in an affidavit presented to the board.

The Rev. Raphael Warnock, a Davis supporter who spoke at the hearing, said the board was attentive and inquisitive, peppering the speakers with questions. But he said it’s too hard to predict how the panel will decide.

“It’s a very difficult place to be. A man’s life hangs in the balance,” he said. “But we were very clear that an execution should not take place.”

Two of the panel’s five members have already reviewed the case several times: Gale Buckner, a former Georgia Bureau of Investigation agent, and Robert Keller, the ex-chair of a Georgia prosecutors group. The other three have been appointed to the board since 2009. They are: James Donald, the former head of the Georgia Department of Corrections, Albert Murray, who led the state’s juvenile justice program, and Terry Barnard, a former Republican state lawmaker.

MacPhail was shot to death Aug. 19, 1989 after rushing to help Larry Young, a homeless man who was pistol-whipped in a Burger King parking lot. Prosecutors say Davis was with another man who was demanding that Young give him a beer when Davis pulled out a handgun and bashed Young with it. When MacPhail arrived to help, they say Davis had a smirk on his face when he shot the officer to death.

The case prompted the Supreme Court to order the nearly unprecedented innocence hearing. In June 2010, U.S. District Judge William T. Moore Jr. heard from two witnesses who said they falsely incriminated Davis and from two others who said another man had confessed to being the actual killer.

Moore said the evidence cast some additional doubt on Davis’ conviction, but that it was “largely smoke and mirrors” and not enough to vindicate Davis or grant him a new trial.

In a 60-page petition to the board, Davis’ legal team contends argue that a string of court rulings that upheld his conviction largely failed to address his innocence claims.

“The courts have determined that Mr. Davis’s conviction was constitutional,” the petition said. “That does not mean it was correct.”

Prosecutors have stood by their case through the years. They say ballistics evidence links Davis to the shooting and that many of the concerns about witness testimony were raised during the trial. The allegations that someone else later confessed to the shooting, they say, are inconsistent and inadmissible in court.

And MacPhail’s relatives say there’s no question that prosecutors charged the right person.
“They heard the truth – which is the most important part. I believe they will rule in our favor,” said MacPhail’s widow, Joan MacPhail-Harris. “He had ample time to prove his innocence and he failed.”

 http://newsone.com/nation/associatedpress4/georgia-board-considers-troy-davis-case/

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Why Do Women Dress Up

Yesterday while commuting to work I heard an interesting question being posed on the Russ Parr Morning Show. Russ Parr asked his listeners "Who do women dress for? Do they dress mainly for men, women, or themselves?" This has been quite the conundrum for me for quite some time. Day in and day out I watch women and girls alike put their "goodies" on full display. While a student at Murray State University I believed women were busy "dressing up" to distract men. Yes I did say distract a man. In my young mind they weren't trying to attract a man because most of them already had a man. These young ladies seemed like they just wanted to recieve the attention of every other man. She wanted to know if "she still had it." With maturity my mindset has changed.

While researching this very topic I came across an article written by an evolutionary psychologist. She explained "Women with men that dress in this manner are following their primal drive to provide the strongsest, most virile productive father for their children. Out of this primal drive comes the need to attract a great mate. Apparently this drive is so powerful that women unconciously try to attract a better mate!" Being a man that deeply respects science I could have taken the psychologist's answer and concluded women dress for men but this didn't sit well with me. What about the women who don't have a man that dress up. The women that dress sexy.

I don't know about you but I am not willin to accept an answer that states anyone "unconciously tries" to do anything. Our creator gave us the ability and the right to make a choice. Now this psychologist wants us to believe that we make decisions based on "unconcious" thoughts." So women dress provocatively and even dress up because they want to "attract a great mate." If that is the case, why does it seem like places where few men frequent them are filled with women who still dress up and still dress very sexy? Let's look at Spellmen College in Atlanta. This college is an all girl school and it is known for having a large crop of well dressed women walking to and from class. These women were the business suits, the power pumps, and some even wear the outfits that are formfitting. Yet there are no men in sight. Unless you want to say these young ladies "unconciously" want to find themselves a sugar daddy. Are they dressing for their professor? I doubt taht. At least the majority of them aren't. I guess in this case we can assume that women dress for other women right? Well you know what they say about assuming anything and I am not about to go down that rought.

So what is it then? Do women dress for men or do they dress for other women? There also is a pocket of society that says women dress for themselves. Some women take the time to look extra sexy and extra nice while they relax at home alone. Some of them are very meticulous in their actions. Taking time to do their hair making sure it looks good. They take the time to wear the sexy underwear and brassiers because it makes them feel sexy. But guess what? They are doing this for themselves. Not for a man or a woman. To these kind of women, clothing is just an extension of their inner beauty. To her it doesn't matter what any man or woman thinks about. She wants to feel good for herself. This woman doesn't wear makeup because she loves her natural beauty. Once again we are left asking the question. Why do women dress up? Now we are saying women dress for themselves. Clearly this must be a small pocket of women, right? Now I find myself in a dilemma. On one hand I have women who dress to find a "better mate." On another hand I have women who want to outdo other women. Last but not least we have spoke about those that want to dress for themselves. Now we are back to square one. After this breach in my research I decided I should do my own case study.

After concluding I didn't have enough evidence to argue either way I took Russ Parr's question to the comment lines of Facebook and the answers really gave me a clear look at what "everyday" women thought. The women gave a totally different view then the psychologists who claimed women follow "unconcious primal drives." For instance, Amanda Bochert of Tennessee stated that she believed women dressed for both men and women. Lauren Horton, a native of Louisville, KY, argues that insecure women dress for men, while women with low self-esteem dress for other women.

Finally a break through. Now we were getting somewhere. It seems like these two women were in agreement with Matthew Winters who argued that "what women wear speaks volumes about who she is, how she values herself, and the message she wants to give off." He also added, "Many dress with these three main points in mind." Could Matthew of Texas be onto something? Lauren Horton chimed back in "that confident women dress for themselves." Looks like the man from Texas could be correct. Depending on the woman's image of her self will determine how she dresses. I am fully aware there are exceptions to the rule. Understand these are teh findings from the Facebook Case Study.

Shelley Strickland, a woman from Tennessee, explained, "I could care less about what other women think because men like women in different clothes." She also added, "If a woman were dressing for a man she'd be in jeans a t-shirt with her natural body." Honestly I have to agree wtih Shelley. A woman who wants to attract a man doesn't have to do all that extra stuff. I had a great opportunity of meeting a very beautiful young lady at church. When I met her there was an instant attraction and an instant chemistry between us. I will admit when I first saw her she did have on a little make up, jewelry, and she was dressed in professional attire. Whats crazy is the fact that when I had the opportunity to see this woman in a pair of jeans, a green t-shirt, and no makeup I melted like a bag of M&M's in someone's pocket on a hot summer day. Ever since that day I have found myself seeking the courage to remove the lump from my throat so I could let her know how I truly feel.

Ladies and gentlemen I must leave you with a question. Who do you think women dress for? Clearly the jury is still out. Please leave me your comments. Remember the Truth Speakers Seek the Truth in everything we do. Please chime in and give us the TRUTH!!!!

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